Me: When you met Violet what did you think?
Sofia: I thought she was cute.
Me: Do you remember when we were in the hospital room and daddy and I told you that your sister had been born but that she was very sick? What did you think then?
Sofia: That she would die.
Me: You did?
Sofia: Did you think she would die?
Me: (crying) I did, but I didn’t want her to. I wanted God to fix her.
Sofia: He did fix her.
Me: Yes, He did, but I wanted Him to fix her here. I wanted her to be here. We would have been a good home for her, but God is a better home for her.
Me: What did you think when you saw her Earth Body?
Sofia: Did she have feet?
Me: Yes, they were inside the blanket.
Sofia: I thought her dress was beautiful, but she was not cute.
Sofia: When did she die? (I really think she might have thought we’d left her at the hospital or something. Especially since she wasn’t there when she died.)
Me: (crouching down next to her) She died in the hospital after you met her. You were in the room playing with Miss Susan. Daddy and I held Violet closely and hugged and kissed her and she died in our arms surrounded by love.
Sofia: But how did she die? (She got really frustrated when I didn’t know what she meant exactly and I asked her more questions. I decided to just answer her question).
Me: (putting my hands on her heart) You know how your heart beats and you breathe air in and out of your body? Violet couldn’t do that without the machines. And you can’t be attached to a machine forever. She died because her heart stopped beating on its own and she stopped breathing.
Sofia: Can we have a funeral for Violet?
Me: We’re going to have something like a funeral. We’re going to all get together and write messages for Violet and send them up in balloons for her. Like a party. And we’ll tell everyone about Violet. Does that sound fun?
Me: You will always be a big sister to Violet and I will always be a mommy to you and Violet.
Sofia: But we can’t see her.
Me: It doesn’t matter. We won’t ever forget her. She’ll always be a part of our family.
Sofia: If we have another baby will you not be so sad?
Me: I'll always miss Violet and I'll always feel sad that she's not here. A new baby won't ever take her place in our family.
Me: Were you surprised that we named her Violet?
Me: Did you know I tried to name her something else?
Me: Gianna. But daddy said your name was Violet and when I woke up the next morning I said her name was Violet too. So we named her Violet.
Sofia: Maybe we can name our next baby Gianna.
Me: Do you think we’ll have another baby?
Sofia: (Closing her eyes so tight and whispering to God) dear God, please give us another baby.
Sofia: But Violet won’t ever get to see Christmas!!
Me: No, she won’t. We were really planning on her being here for Christmas, weren’t we?
Sofia: Well, we could make her a stocking and presents and send them to her. She and God could have Christmas in heaven.
Me: (Crying and on my knees reaching for Sofia) I love you so much.
Sofia: When I hug Violet bunny it helps me remember her.