The night before Violet was born when I was in the hospital trying to stall labor I said something about needing music. My trusty sister pulled out her phone and asked what I wanted. I asked for the praise team. We laughed about it at the time. Shortly after Violet was born the next day (we were still in the delivery room) we got word that there were visitors in the lobby. Expecting Susan, we were stunned when 8 people (give or take) showed up in the room. Now...the delivery room had specific rules for visitors. No more than 2 people at a time - no exceptions. Apparently there was a grand union of White Station Church of Christ people in the lobby and rules were thrown out the window. The guard at the desk sent everyone back saying, "You've already broken so many rules. Go on." Kasha, my awesome nurse, escorted everyone in and pretended not to know it was against the rules.
At this point, we had no idea what Violet's status was. She had been rushed away by the neonatal team who had said very little in words, but volumes with the terrified looks on their faces. The group of visitors asked if there was anything they could do. I realized the praise team had come to me and so I asked them to sing. My family and I were circled by these ministers to the soul and they began to sing "Surround Us Lord." Tears streaming down my face, I found myself joining in the song, the plea. Please surround Violet, Lord. Heal her. Let her know you're there.
Chalise sent me a playlist on Violet's birthday that I began listening to in my first week of desperate grieving. People have been asking what they can do and as I think of things I try to ask. One such task was for some trusted friends to make me a praise and lament playlist. Nearly immediately I had the playlist in hand and was crying buckets of tears through each song, each one its own version of the constant prayer on my heart. I have wrestled through countless sleepless nights and eventually fallen asleep to these songs, these prayers.