The picture above is how I spent most of Violet's few hours at LeBonheur. The doctors and nurses had to work around me as a sat perched over my youngest daughter. I touched her, smelled her, sang to her, looked at her hair, her fingers, her toes. I cried into her eyes. I kissed her head letting my lips rest on her head until I needed to breathe, just drinking in her little person. I whispered to her, "You can go when you need to go, sweet baby. It's ok."
But nothing about it is ok. Not to my human self. I want her BACK!
I described the feeling in my body to David this morning. It's like even when I'm quiet and calm on the outside something in my deepest soul is clawing on the inside - SCREAMING. It must be why my throat is raw all the time.
I am the mother to 2 daughters. One is here on earth and one is waiting for me in heaven.