Missy came back in time to meet with the neonatal team. They went through the birth plan Missy and I had quickly worked through at like 1am. The neonatal team was so accommodating. I was shocked that they were willing to adhere to jut about everything on the plan. They agreed to put the baby on my chest after delivery, delay cord clamping, not bathe the baby. The only thing the head doctor argued with me on was the Hep B vaccine stating that it was his job to convince me to do it. Weird. I didn't figure a 6.5 weeks premature baby needed to have a Hep B shot right away.
The delivery doctor team came in shortly after. The head Doctor, Dr Meyers was a little more abrasive, trying to talk me into the abx eye ointment and to jump start labor by breaking waters or starting Pitocin. I didn’t see any need for that at all since I seemed to be progressing just fine especially given that they were trying to slow labor quite unsuccessfully. All I know is that every thing that happened and didn’t happen over that 24 hrs from admission to delivery was laying the framework for exactly what needed to be to have the outcome that we had – as utterly desperate as it was – there was such beauty, such God in each intertwined, divine moment. The doctor didn’t not hasten the delivery which meant I got to have the most beautiful, refining, clarifying delivery of that little body and I sustained minimal physical damage so I could be ever-present and have a clarity through the next 24 hours that never could have happened otherwise.
The next time a doctor checked me-sometime late morning/early afternoon-I was 9 cm. Baby was coming and the doctors got ready fast. Mary called David back to the hospital (he had just left to go shower and change). Missy and I discussed laboring positions and she communicated them with the doctors who said that was fine and even showed us how the table changed positions to accommodate things like squatting. It was a pretty cool coordination of care between doctor and midwife.
The nurse told me I couldn’t start pushing until the doctor broke my water. Missy and I were both like, “huh?” She repeated it and I said of course I could and that babies were born in the “cull” all the time. Missy confirmed and even showed the nurse pictures. The nurse was so intrigued and asked a lot of questions about it. Missy said she sees it a lot more because she does home births. Hospital protocol was to break waters. Mine were not broken on purpose, but the next time the doctor checked me (late afternoon) the flood gates opened and my waters exploded everywhere., soaking the doctor to the point she had to leave to shower and change. We never saw her again. It was a freakish amount of water and I kept saying something was wrong because it just kept coming by the bucketful, but everyone assured me that was normal. We know now it was a symptom of the swelling in the baby's body. That she wasn't processing fluid like she should.
After my water broke I was SCARED. Up until that point I was not laboring. There was NO PAIN. I would have to feel my tightening stomach to even tell for sure I was having a contraction. I was scared because I knew that labor pains would begin for real now that the water was broken. I was scared because I didn’t have a build up to the pain. I was going to go right from no labor into transition. But everything was so clear. Really, the focus word for the duration of our hospital experience was CLARITY. I have never been so clear in all my life. During the last part of labor through delivering Violet I was able to verbalize everything I was thinking and feeling (physically) much like a conductor leading an orchestra, I felt like I was conducting the delivery. People in the room all remarked how amazed they were that I was even able to talk let alone be so clear in what was and what needed to happen. Oh that this clarity could have saved my sweet Violet, but it DID provide an optimal (almost magical) delivery and such a bright memory in the midst of the horror.