I took a pregnancy test at the end of October. It was positive. The beginning of you. I felt surprised that I was pregnant so quickly and so, so happy.
I was very protective of this pregnancy. I didn't want to announce it on FaceBook. Social media just felt like an "icky" place. David and I wanted everything with you to be "old school." So people found out when they saw me.
It didn’t take long for me to start feeling the morning sickness. So much nausea, all day long. It was so very hard and I felt so very desperate at times. But I was well taken care of. Your daddy waited on me and took care of your sister. I ate the best I could and took so many supplements. I tried to take care of you the best I could even though it was so hard.
We got to see you in the ultrasound on January 30th. You were so sweet and perfect. Daddy saw you stick your tongue out at him. We decided we didn’t want to know if you were a boy or a girl. Everyone said you were going to be a boy, but your sister knew the whole time that you were a girl because she asked God for a sister.
The nausea subsided pretty much right on cue with the onset of my second trimester. What a relief. Except for a bout with what I suspect was shingles that resulted in a staph infection and your sister getting the chicken pox and then we ALL had the “throw up” sick, and a nasty fall on the ice (we really were not fans of the entire month of February!) having you inside was becoming nice. I could feel you move a bounce and I loved you so much.
You really enjoyed eating. You were so bouncy after breakfast and dinner. I loved sitting upstairs with your daddy and chasing your little feet around the top of my belly. Daddy liked to touch where your foot was and you would kick him.
Your sister liked to talk to you and feel you move too. She would snuggle in my lap sometimes and you would kick her. She would giggle and say, “I feel your baby move.” She loved you so much. So much. She has a long list of all the things she was going to teach you. She was so excited to be a big sister.
As much as I loved you, I didn't love being pregnant. It was a very, very hard pregnancy and now I kind of know why. It was taking every last bit of me to keep you alive. I feel so guilty that I complained about the discomfort, the sick, what you were doing to my body. I hate that you heard my cries of anguish. That you were there for the times I laid prostrate on the ground so desperate for relief. I was in physical and emotional turmoil for so much of my pregnancy with you. I would do it all over again to have you back. I want you back, my sweet, sweet Violet.